The Lost One Weeping
by kurapika247
Summary: Kiku Honda always was told that he had to do best in school or else his life in the future will be horrible. He was told that he didn't need friends. This someone is someone who has haunted Kiku for his whole life. So Kiku studied every chance he could get. But his view on the world changes when he meets a boy with blond hair and emerald eyes. Asakiku. Trigger Warnings
1. Prologue: The Lost One

**Quick Note: **

**Kiku Honda = Japan**

**Koheku = 2p!Japan**

**Arthur = England**

**Alfred = America**

**Mathew = Canada**

**Hercules = Greece**

**ENJOY!**

_January 30, 2013_

_エントリー__,_

_What's the meaning of life._

_That's a question that's been haunting my mind ever since I was born into this world. I stay up countless nights laying on my bed and staring at the ceiling wondering what's the answer to this question. Whenever I ask someone this question though they look at me strangely. They say that I have to find it out myself. My parents say that the meaning of life is to work hard in school._

_I always try my hardest in school but this voice inside me says that I'm doing horrible. I even started seeing it now. He looks exactly like me except his eyes are blood red and he wears this black uniform with gold buttons and this purple cape. I know this sounds crazy but I end up believing every word he says._

_He says if I don't do my best in school then I'll never become anything in the future. He says I won't be able to get a job our get into a good college. I'm only in middle school and I ask myself these questions. Am I crazy?.._

"What are you writing?",A familiar voice asks me. I let out a sigh as I close my journal and place my pen down on my desk.

"I'm writing in a journal I just got.",I reply back as I turn around in my spin chair and see him sitting on my bed, looking at me with his all to familiar blood red eyes.

"Shouldn't you be studying?",He says. "Have you finished learning English? You have to start your first day at school here in America tomorrow".

"Yes I finished learning the language months ago.",I say back. He merely nods but then narrows his eyes.

"You still have no excuse to not study. You could still learn the pythagorean theorem or logarithms. You said you would start studying those but you never did. I'm sure all the kids are going to know those subjects.", He says back.

"I guess you're right Koheku..",I say. Would the kids there already know this kind of math. They were only in seventh grade after all . No! I can't risk it! I nod to myself determinedly as I walk over to the bookshelf my father had made me long ago and selected a few math textbooks from the shelves. My mother bought me these text books years ago when I was learning some English. My eyes sadden at the thought of my parents but I quickly shake my head.

'I can't show emotion.',I think to myself.

Koheku says I have to study every minute I could get because that's what kids like me are supposed to be doing but I can't help but wonder if they're wrong. I always see other kids go outside and play at the park with they're friends or go to the movies. I never seen any kids who study so much.

"Kiku, I don't see you studying",Koheku says and I immediately snap out of my thoughts.

"G-Gomenasai",I stutter as I clumsily open my text book to page forty. I start reading the words in the textbook unil I hear the sound of laughter outside. I can't help but look outside my window. They were my neighbors. Two twins that looked about the same age as me.

"Alfred stop hitting the ball towards my head!",One of the laughs.

"No way dude, this is how you're supposed to play baseball!",The other says back.

They look like they're having so much fun. Maybe one day I could have as much fun as they're having?

"Kiku!", Koheku says suddenly and I almost jump out of my chair from the sudden yell. "Hai?",I ask nervously. Did he see me looking out the window?

"Those two boys are never going to be successful in their futures and you're going to end up joining them if you don't start studying!",He says.

"B-But what if you're wrong!?",I say back before I could stop myself. I immediately cover my mouth with both hands. I never yelled or questioned Koheku before in my whole life.

"What did you say!?",He says with anger in his voice as he starts walking up to me.

"G-Gomenasai! I wasn't thinking!", I say stutter back. Koheku frightened me sometimes...ok maybe always.

"Kiku I think you need to be punished.",He says back with a evil smile.

"No! I'm sorry,I really am!",I say back I shiver from fear.

He looks at me for a while before he sighs loudly. "Fine! But you better start studying more! And stop worrying about stupid friends because you're never going to have any! They'll just get in the way of your studies.",He says with a scowl.

I nod back. I feel tears pricking at the corners of my eyes but I blink him back. Koheku always gets mad when I cry. He says people who show emotions are weak.

"Look Kiku, I'm just trying to protect you. I saw this cruel world and I know that without a proper education no body makes it through adulthood. You'll end up stressed with bills piling up and have a job you don't like that makes absolutely no money if you don't keep up with your studies.", Koheku says to me as he noticeably calms down a little. He can be a bit bipolar sometimes.

He's mostly either mad or shows no emotion. He's been switching between the two a lot this summer though since seventh grade is coming up and high schools look at your seventh grade scores. He says he cares but sometimes I don't believe him.

"Hey Kiku?", Koheku asks me suddenly.

"Yes?",I ask.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?",He asks me. This question suprises me and scares me at the same time. The last time I answered this question I said I wanted to be an animator. That was the first time he punished me. He said that was a foolish dream and he got angry at me. He told me to cut my wrists. He said if I didn't he would torment me until I go insane.

"A l-lawyer or a d-docotor.",I stutter back nervously.

He looks straight into my chocalate brown eyes for a while until he narrows his eyes again. "Good. I'm glad you forgot about that foolish dream, right?"

I nervously nod back but in truth I've never forgotten that dream. In my heart I still want to be an animator when I grow up. I always draw when Koheku gives me free time. He hates when I draw though. He says I should read a book of my choice instead of 'doodling nonsense'.

I look down onto my text book and start reading the words inscribed on the page. After about an hour of studying I bring myself to have enough courage to ask Koheku something.

"Koheku?",I ask.

"Yes?"

"May I play some music to listen to while I study?", I ask as I cross my fingers.

After a long period of silence he let's out a long sigh and replies. "Fine but make sure it doesn't interferes with your studies.",He says back.

"Of course! Thank you.",I say. He just nods back. I take out my ipod shuffle that my parents have gotten me this Christmas and I press play on a shuffled playlist.

When I look at the name of the first song I immediately paused it before it could start playing. I guess I did it really quickly because Koheku narrows his eyes.

"Why did you pause it so fast?",He asks.

"N-Nothing. I thought I should put on my headphones instead. I wouldn't want to bother you with my music.",I say quickly. He looks at me suspiciously but still nods. I sigh a breath of relief as I quickly open the drawer to my desk that held pencils,pens,and my headphones. I took them out and plugged them in. That was a close one. Koheku doesn't like this song. He says it'll start giving me ideas and it's full of lies.

The song was ロストワンの号哭. Or as people call it in English, The Lost Ones Weeping.

I put the earbuds in my ears and press the play button and the song plays.

_ha watari suu senchi no fushin kan ga ageku no hate joumyaku wo sashi chatte byoujaku na ai ga tobidasu mon de resuporu sae mo kyouki ni kaete shimai mashita_

_no fikushon_

_suugaku to rika wa suki desu ga kokuga doumo dame de kirai deshita tadashii no ga dore ka nayande irya dore mo fuseikai to iu ochi deshita_

_honjitsu no shukudai wa mukosei na boku no koto kafusoku nai fujiyuu nai saikin ni ikite ite demo doushite boku tachi wa toki doki ni iya mainichi kanashii tte iunda sabishii tte iunda_

_kokuban no kono kanji ga yome masu ka ano ko no shinshou wa yome masu ka sono kokoro wo kuroku someta no wa oi dare nan dayo oi dare nan dayo_

_soro ban de kono shiki ga toke masu ka ano ko no kubi no wa mo toke masu ka bokutachi kono man made iin desu ka oi dou sun dayo mou dou datte ii ya_

_itsu made tatta tte bokutachi wa zonzai na saimin ni yotte ite doushiyou mo nai kurai no kyougou wo zutto kakumatte itanda_

_sakujitsu no shukudai wa aikawarazu tokenai ya kafusoku nai fujiyuu nai saikin ni ikite ite demo doushite bokutachi no munamoto no katamari wa kieta itte iunda shinitai tte iunda_

_kokuban no kono kanji ga yome masu ka ano ko no shinshou wa yome masu ka sono kokoro wo kuroku someta no wa oi dare nan dayo oi dare nan dayo_

_soro ban de kono shiki ga toke masu ka ano ko no kubi no wa mo toke masu ka bokutachi kono man made iin desu ka oi dou sun dayo oi dou sun dayo_

_menseki hi no koushiki ie masu ka kodomo no toki no yume wa ie masu ka sono yume sura dobu ni suteta no wa oi dare nan dayo mou shitten daro_

_itsu ni narya otona ni nare masu ka somo somo otona to wa ittai zentai nan desu ka donata ni ukagae ba iin desu ka oi dou sun dayo mou dou datte ii ya_

For some reason...I can't help but relate to the song.

-pagebreak-

**I decided to start this story as some sort of outlet..schools been bringing me down since they want me to do so well..but honestly I don't know how I should. I get straight A's and I study hard..**

**Enough of my sob story! Let me tell more about this sob story.**

**Disclaimer: I own a panda plushie I started making this morning, I however do NOT own Hetalia,2P!Hetalia,or the song The Lost Ones Weeping**

**Pairings: Asakiku (Arthur x Kiku), PruCan (Prussia x Canada), RussAme (Russia x America)**

**Warnings: Might have cursing and suicidal thoughts and I MIGHT put a suicidal attempt. It will have self-harm. I might make this story have an unhappy ending..I'm honestly not to sure.**

**Thanks for reading! Please review! Reviews make me write faster, Flames make me write VERY slow.**


	2. Chapter 1: Friends,Smiles,and Blood

"Do you have all of your text books that you were assigned?"

"Hai."

"What about pencils? Do you have at least ten pencils and five pens?"

"Hai"

The day was finally here. A day I have been dreading all summer. The first day of seventh grade in a new school in a new country. How fantastic..

"Do you have your folders?"

"Hai"

Koheku kept asking me these questions as I sat down on my chair and stared at the analog clock sitting on my desk. '5:00 A.M' it read. Yes I know that the school opens at eight but I couldn't sleep all night. So here I am, three hours before school starts, neatly dressed in a navy-blue button up shirt with long sleeves. There is no uniform required for the school so I decided to wear something that made me look professional.

"Do you remember Soh Cah Toa?**(1)",**He asks me.

"Hai",I say.

He looks at me for what seems like hours. I look at the clock. Only one minute actually passed,fantastic. At this rate it will feel like a thousand hours before it's finally seven and he could start walking to school.

"Remember to keep your sleeves down. If you don't they'll see the cuts and think you're some crazy suicidal person.", He says with his monotone voice. I merely nod at this but inside I scoff.

'I wouldn't have to hide them if you didn't force me',I think inside my head but to tell you the truth...I kind of like cutting now. Of cource I hadn't told him that. He would be disgusted at me. But for some odd reason, after having to do it a lot, I started to like seeing my crimson blood pour out of my wound.

"I'm coming with you also.",He says suddenly. Wait he's coming!?

"W-Why?",I ask.

"Are you questioning me?",He asks with danger in his tone.

"Iie! Of cource not.",I say quickly. I shouln't make him angry on my first day of school.

Then there was silence again. A painfully silent kind of silence.

"Oh and also,", Koheku started ,breaking the silence. "Make sure not to respond to me during school. They might think your crazy if you do.",He says.

'Maybe I am crazy..',I think to myself.

"Shouldn't you be studying? You should study every minute you get,remember?",He says as he looks at me expectantly.

"Hai.",I say as I pull out my literature text book out of my book bag and start reading it's contents. While I read, I could feel blood red eyes watch me as I read. I hate when he watches me like that. It's so creepy. To tell the truth, he scares me every moment he's anywhere near me.

"It's time to go to school", Koheku says after a while. I look up from my book and at the clock. '7:00' it reads. I close the text book and put it neatly inside my bag with the rest of my supplies I needed to go through this hell today.

I sling my backpack over my shoulder and look around my room. I hardly have gone out of my room this whole summer. I sigh loudly as I walk out of my room and soon after by the front door. I haven't went outside mostly all summer. I slowly open the door and make my way outside.

It was a beautiful day outside. The sun was already up despite how early in the morning it was and the birds were sining their tunes. The only things bad about this day was that it was hot outside and that it's sadly the first day of seventh grade.

"Hello!", Someone says in a loud voice. I look behind me to see those twins from yesterday running up to me.

"Hi",I say back.

"Do you want to walk to school together? You go to Hetalia Middle School right?", The loud one asks with curiosity.

"Say no.", Koheku whispers to me in my ear.

"S-Sure!",I say without thinking. Koheku was going to kill me later.

"Alright! This is my bro Matthew and I'm Alfred!",Alfred says with a huge grin as we continue walking to school.

"W-What's your name?", Mathew asks. He was obviously nervous.

"My name is Kiku.",I say back.

"Dude! Why are you wearing a long sleeved shirt when it's literally 100 degrees outside!",Alfred asks as he notices me wearing long sleeves. I just shrug back hoping that he would drop the subject. I just met the two, I didn't need them to think I'm crazy.

I looked behind me where Koheku is walking. He's glaring at me. This ends a shiver down my spine.

"Hey Kiku?",Alfred suddenly asks.

"Yes?",I say as I turn back and look at him.

"Do you want to be friends with me and my brother?", He asks with his grin.

"KIKU! YOU BETTER SAY NO OR ELSE!, Koheku yells.

"O-Ok! I'll be your friend.", I say. This was the first time someone actually asked me to be their friend..it felt nice.

"Alright!",Alfred says with a fist pumped in the air. I almost feel like smiling..almost. I could feel Koheku's glare at the back of my head. If looks could kill then I would have dropped down to the ground and died right now.

"Hey Iggy!", Alfred suddenly says as he waves to someone who is walking ahead of us.

The boy looks back and stops walking. Alfred laughs as we all walk up to him.

The boy had messy blonde hair with emerald green eyes. He looked at Alfred and scowled.

"I thought I told you not to call me that!", He said annoyed at the name Alfred called out.

"I forgot.",Alfred says with a smile. The boy rolls his eyes and looks at me and his angry look immediately falls.

"Hello there. Who might you be?",He asks.

"M-My name is Kiku",I stutter.

"That's a beautiful name. Doesn't that mean chrysanthemum in Japanese?",He asks.

I nod as I feel a light pink blush appear on my face. Why am I blushing? I don't like this boy..right?

"My name is Arthur. It's a pleasure to meet you Chrysanthemum.",He says with a warm smile as he puts out his hand and I shake it.

"W-We should go to school.",I say as I look at my watch.

"Awww! I hate school!",Alfred whines.

"I think everybody does.",Arthur says with a small giggle. Mathew and Alfred laugh at this and I smile. Wait did I just smile?

"Hey! You finally smiled!",Alfred points out. "I was supposed to make you smile not boring old Arthur!", He says as he pouts.

"Hey Kiku? Why do you wear long sleeves when it's sweltering outside?",Arthur asks curiously.

"Hey! That's the same question I asked him!",Alfred says.

I just shrug my shoulders.

They both look at me suspiciously because of this. I almost forgot Koheku was there.

I look behind us to find that he wasn't there.

"Where did he go?",I think to myself in my head.

"Is something troubling you chrysanthemum?",Arthur asks breaking me out of my thoughts.

"N-No",I say. He just nods but glances at me with a look of worry on his face.

"Hey look! We're here!",Alfred says.

I look ahead to see that we were finally here. The school was huge and there was a sign that said 'Welcome To Hetalia Middle School!' on it.

"What are we waiting for?! Let's go!",Alfred says with his voice full of excitement which kind of confused me. One minute ago he was complaining about school but now he's excited about it?

I look at my watch. '7:30' it says.

"What should we do now?",I ask.

"When we're early you could roam around the school.",England answers back.

I nod.

"Kiku!",A voice behind me says. I look behind me to see him staring back at me with his blood red eyes that were narrowed and full of anger.

"Thought I was gone huh? Go to the bathroom,I think it's punishment time.", he says angerily.

"A-Arthur?",I ask.

"Yes?"

"Do you know where the bathrooms are at?",I ask nervously.

"There's one over there.", Arthur says as he points to a room that's close to us.

"Thank you",I say.

I walk into the bathroom slowly, I had to admjt that I was scared right now.

"Do you have anything sharp in your book bag?",He asks me.

I nod as I take out my ruler with sharp edges.

"Good. Now do it ten times.",He says. Ten? He usually only has me cut three or four lines. He really must be angry..

I nod as I put my arm over the sink and started cutting lines in my already scarred skin. For some reason it doesn't hurt. I guess maybe I'm already used to it..

"You know that boy will never love you.",He says suddenly. I feel paralyzed. How did he know about that?!

"You're only supposed to love school and education Kiku. Nothing else.",He says sternly. I say nothing as I continue to cut the lines in my skin. Crimson started to form on my arm as I accidentally cut deep on one of them. When I finally had ten red lines on my arm Koheku nodded.

"Good. Now go see you're stupid friends.",He says.

I stand there for a minute with my bloody arm over my sink. I just watch the blood slowly oozes out of my wounds and fall into the sink.

I can't help but think of that song again.

_Feel it cutting into me, the doubting painful knife _

_Feel it deepening the rift, finally hit just right _

_Couldn't take the love I had, so weak and burning low _

_But it grew into a weapon only hurting me, this I know_

_...is nonfiction_

_So good with numbers, science, math I like _

_But I'm terrible at English so I despise_

_This part of me that wants a simple "right or wrong" _

_And I feel that everything I choose will always be false_

"Kiku?",A voice asks as someone opens the door.

-pagebreak-

**Poor Kiku =~= Anyways,thanks for reading!~ For those reading The Sleepover At Midnight, I'll be updating that soon. Please review! I love it when you guys review,it makes my day ^_^ The English lyrics to The Lost Ones Weeping were made by Jubyphonic on YouTube.**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia,2p!Hetalia,The Lost Ones Weeping, and the English lyrics to The Lost Ones Weeping.**


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